Erickson's position on marriage therapy
Erickon emphasized to couples that they could not (and need not aspire to) share equal all the things because bilolgically they are totally different creatures and have many different interests. They just need enough mutual interests and pleasures to create a healthy balance between autonomy and realationship. In that balance, both individuals are accomplishing certain things for self, for each other, and for their live together.
Like much of Erickson's wisdom, this notion of balance sounds simple in theory. And yet it can be too complex for many people to put into practice. Erickson explained that many people "grow up in convicition of the goodness of their ideas ... They never learn to respect the goodness of separate ideas ... and they get into difficulty when they try to influence each other". In this framework, problems in marriage result from too much effort on the part of each spouse to convert the other spouse. Furthermore, each holds the faulty belief that it is his or her right to reform the other. In a wedding ceremony Erickson conducted Carl Lankton & spouse in 1979, he said : "The first thing I want to do is admonish both of you because you're both blind. But don't worry, it will clear up and you will begin to see one another's faults. And when you do, don't either of you give up and your faults because you're going to need them to understand and accept the faults of your partner!" This paradoxical instruction to accept each other, faults and all, is incompatible with impulses to correct ther other. And the faults can even be utilized for their value in promoting tolerance and understanding.
後記：不難明白的道理但老鬼也真的花了一段時間去明白和解理！願天下有情人也可以明白這個簡單的道理。
後後記：為何老絕總是道理多多！？
Like much of Erickson's wisdom, this notion of balance sounds simple in theory. And yet it can be too complex for many people to put into practice. Erickson explained that many people "grow up in convicition of the goodness of their ideas ... They never learn to respect the goodness of separate ideas ... and they get into difficulty when they try to influence each other". In this framework, problems in marriage result from too much effort on the part of each spouse to convert the other spouse. Furthermore, each holds the faulty belief that it is his or her right to reform the other. In a wedding ceremony Erickson conducted Carl Lankton & spouse in 1979, he said : "The first thing I want to do is admonish both of you because you're both blind. But don't worry, it will clear up and you will begin to see one another's faults. And when you do, don't either of you give up and your faults because you're going to need them to understand and accept the faults of your partner!" This paradoxical instruction to accept each other, faults and all, is incompatible with impulses to correct ther other. And the faults can even be utilized for their value in promoting tolerance and understanding.
後記：不難明白的道理但老鬼也真的花了一段時間去明白和解理！願天下有情人也可以明白這個簡單的道理。
後後記：為何老絕總是道理多多！？
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